Looking Back....

I wrote this blog when I was in 9th grade, so bare with me as I travel back in the days of grammar errors. Haha.

“Well I was talking` to two different people the other night & they both had different stories but some how they connect. The other individual is just starting` to fall in love while the other one just fall out of love (well still trying` to move on). The things that they mentioned made me think for hours because I had never been through those things. Therefore, I started writing` & believe me I really don’t know if I make sense but I just want to let my thoughts out in the public. I am hopeful that some people can relate to what I have to say.

Here it goes:

Why is love so complicated? I mean you think you found the right person that will treat you as if you’re their queen, but then they end up hurting you, making you cry before going` to sleep, killing you slowly from all the pain they put you through. Then you can’t stand it anymore, so you try your hardest to leave that person, but it seems like you can’t. It seems like something is holding you back. Is it because your feelings for him are so strong that they just will not fade away or are you just so used to loving that person and don’t know how to move on? When you finally move on, the same cycle happens. You fall, then end up getting hurt because the person you fell in love with didn’t catch you or they caught you and dropped you. It is true that love is pain and pain is love. Without love, there will be no pain, and without pain, love will not exist. We suffer for the one we love. People say that if you are in love, you simply don’t see a lot of things; you tend to act foolish. You become blind from reality because all you think about is the "perfect world" you and your behalf "have.” People warn you, but you don’t listen because you only hear and think about what will make HIM happy. Every time the person you are in love with hurts you, you still give him a chance because you try to be positive with your relationship. Giving chances are great, but don’t be so dumb and keep letting him hurt you from all the mistakes he made. Don’t spoil the one you "love" by always taking him back, because this relationship will lead you to no where but more suffering and pain. Take control and leave him. Let him know how much he hurt you. Let him suffer, but even if you do this, you do not always seem to be happy. You want to know why? It’s because they still have a piece of your heart and it will take you a very long time to actually gain that piece back, but for now just wait and be patient because another person will come and fill up that missing piece in your heart. This is the cycle of love at least in my point of view. I am not sure if everyone feels or thinks the same way as I do, so I apologize if you don’t agree with me.

To be honest with you I had never been through this, I have never fall in love yet. There are moments when I think about this, it scares the crap out of me. I fear that when the time for me to fall in love and experience the things that are connected to the word "love" I would not be as strong as others. I am scared to get hurt, to get burn, to go through the pain that love brings us. I really think that love is such a strong word and can be misuse. Some may not even understand the word. Many had asked me to define love, but I am sorry I can’t fully define it. However, the cliches are just running through my head: love is blind, love is a strong emotion, love is pain and pain is love, love is a deep, tender feeling of affection toward a person. Love has so much meaning. It somehow varies from people to people. Although, which one is the real and true way to define such word? Until now I can’t answer my own question for I have never love anyone before ( I’m talking about not a family member or my friends). Well I know someday I will, but that someday is not going to be around yet.”

Wow, so much has changed ever since I wrote that little blog about love. I have finally understood the emotions that come when you have strong emotions toward (it doesn't have to be love, but something close to it - infatuation) someone. It is really hard to move on and to find someone new, but lately I've come to a conclusion that moving on doesn't mean finding and searching for someone new. Moving on is when you start realizing that there's more out there (opportunities to enjoy life) besides having a relationship with someone(boyfriend/girlfriend). It's not necessary to find another person to say that you had fully moved on, all that is needed is the strength to tackle more in life, finding that one true thing that you are good and dedicated to (for example, trying to focus more to your education or learning a thing or two about life).

<3Jhay