Fuck a Cow #6

1. It's funny how people are trying to add me on myspace when they don't even talk to me. I mean I'm up for reconciliation and all that shinanigans, but uh it takes two people to do that. Hence, it bothers me when I leave them a message, but I don't get any in return. Hah, it's like they just want to add more people on their list of "friends." Wow. Is myspace a popularity contest, now? No offense to anyone, but honestly if you add me make sure to leave me atleast one message.

2. I have a swollen ankle that's been hurting for quite some time now.

3. My right shoulder is hurting; whenever I lift it up, it begins to hurt.

4. I bought a shirt from Zumies, but the cashier forgot to take off that thing they clip on the items so I have to go back there tomorrow.

5. Number 4 brought me something cool though because I will see Josh again =]. Well, I hope I do. Haha. He's a cutie.

6. Another good news, there were hella cuties at the mall today. I was stopped by a few ;).

7. I might go to a show on Dec. 6th.

RIGHT AERIEL? =]

<3jhay

Fuck a Cow #3: Rainy Day

Today was totally not my day.Reasons:
1. It's hella raining outside, fuck fuck fuck. Are you kidding me? Like for real? My ass was soaking wet because I had to ride my bike around Davis. And the stupid fender didnt even help me at all because I still got wet -- my back part.
2. I had another in-class essay today about the stuff I read last night. Uhhhh, I was hella tired when I was reading, thus I had a hard time writing the essay. The prompt is all right, I had a good grasp of what it is asking, but I had a hard time finding the right words to explain what I think and my thesis.
3. While I was showering my elbow hit the shower nob and its throbing in pain.
4. The freaking rain almost got me in another bike accident, and it's hella dark outside too.
5. I almost tripped trying to park my bike. Well I pratically tripped, but didnt fall on my face.

WHAT A DAY! The only positive thing/news I received today is the fact that I got an A on my Asian American Study Life Event paper.=]

BTW, it smells like cows outside. Ew. & Im hungry.

Fuck a Cow #2

WTF!
1: My friend and I were doing our homework for English, and we were both hella distracted that we didnt figure out that there were more than 17 questions. Thus, when we went to class, he waved his homework to me and I just smiled 'coz we both thought we have it down, only to find out that we didnt finisht the homework, and there's no way we can make it up. Fuh.
2. It was raining like shit, so there were puddles everywhere, and I dont have a fender. If you live in Davis, then you would know how important it is to have a fender during rainy season. Therefore, I had to walk to class, and it was fucking hot! I don't know if it just me or the rain didn't make a difference -- hot water. Blah, I think it's just me though. (I walked out of the house today with just shorts on. Lol).
3. Last night, my friends and I went trick-or-treating -- like I said it was raining -- and we were soaking wet. Not only that, but people wouldn't even fucking open their doors and give candies. I think people are getting cheaper and cheaper each year! My family actually spends money on decorations, food (pizza, chips, candies, etc).
4. The only good thing that happened yesterday is meeting new people -- crazy, funny ones. We watched Ghost Hunters and well they muted the TV, and then created a different set of comedic conversations.

I am so not looking forward to going back to Davis, and be greeted by the smelly cows.

BLAH.

Fuck a Cow #1 (Late post)

One: I hate the smell of the cows. I live in a freaking residence hall that's situated close to a cow farm (well not a real cow farm, but the agriculture place for UC DAVIS).
Two: I have an essay due tomorrow, I didn't procrastinate, I just put it off because I had to study for my mid-term today.
Three: That mid-term was grr. It wasn't really complicated, but remembering all the damn informations made me weary, so I'm back to number two.
Four: I got a damn in-class essay tomorrow.

FUCK A COW!

*That was posted on my myspace on October 28th*

Jamie

Voldemort (if Harry's not around).

He's the one that nobody speaks of,
The one that all is afraid to mention,
Needless to say,
He haunts their mind in every dimension.

He roams through their body,
Like the chilly air at night,
Leaving goosebumps into their skin
With an expression of a dead knight.

In the darkness,
He watches their agonies,
As they struggle on their knees,
Begging him to let them be.

He laughs loudly,
While pretending he could not hear
The screeching pain they could no longer bare,
Completely trapping them in his deathly air.

Smugness crawls in his loathsome face,
Eerie satifaction fills his empty heart,
Triumph never felt this great.


Note: I was looking through my magazine entries (for MTHS' Velleity, where I was the editor haha), and I found this poem that I wrote out of boredom. I was at Borders one day, and a local band called The Zoo Human Project - which I recommend for everyone - sang a song called "Voldemort," and I really liked the story behind the song. So when I got home that night, I felt inspired to write a different version, and voila, here's my version - way different from their song.


<3Jhay

Notebook.

My thoughts are compiled in a raggedy old notebook, in which you may think is a junk that needed to be thrown away, and when I say away, I meant far into the depth of the ocean, where men who enjoys the exploration of the unknown wouldn't pursue. It is ragged all right, with its bent corners and leaves sticking out in every direction possible, in fact, ragged would be an understatement. If a stranger gives it a glance, he may think that the only use of this notebook is to protect the concrete ground from the mighty hot moist gift that his dog regularly presents him. Just goes to show, that one man's trash is another’s treasure, and I mean it. To a stranger my notebook would not bring him anything worth keeping, but to me, every leaf, every line, every space is heaven. Once my utensil touches its delicate leaf, the feeling of being alive runs through my temple as the hot rush of blood travels in my veins, its like, this notebook brings me life, even hope in humanity - humanity which I often question. This piece of junk holds the actions that I took, words that I spoke, thoughts that continuously gyrate my mind; it tenderly, yet protectively grasps the mysterious chapters of this thing I call my life. Yet, no matter how much I try to explain its value (to me), nobody will ever understand or even try to comprehend the words that are scribbled down in every page it contains. I am starting to believe that I am from another planet or I write in some ancient language or hieroglyphics that the greatest linguist would not be able to decipher. Despite this fact, I religiously scribe the chapters of my "novel" in its limited space. I squeeze the words together, putting them in every angle possible, and writing them microscopically in order to fit my life in this notebook everyone seem to kick around because it happens to remind them of a tatterdemalion, and to add to my dismay, none of them ever tried unraveling the mystery behind its frumpish cover.


P.S.
I just felt like blogging, so I came up with something. Enjoy!


Jhay

Russian Lawmakers irk me.

*To enlarge the image, click the link: BLOG.

So, I have stumbled upon that blog a couple of minutes ago, and I felt obliged to state my opinion through my blog. First things first, I would like to say that I am nowhere near from being “EMO,” though the description given fits me in some ways. No, I do not cut myself nor do I sit at a corner and bawl my eyes out. However, the fashion/clothing description is something you will see me wearing. I wear a lot of black (from shirts to jeans), my nails are painted black, I have an Emo/Scene haircut (crazily layered/fringes, I need to trim it), I have dark hair (almost jet-black, soon will be having coon tails), I have studded belt (that I wear most of the time), and I wear chucks.

With that being said, I am utterly offended with Russia’s idea of what “EMO” is because not everyone who wears those clothing items, have those piercings or have the hairstyle are instantly “EMO.” They are ridiculing the people who fits the description because they are rashly pointing out that those people are depress or suicidal. I feel like they are placing certain people in a certain social group – stereotype. Physical appearance does not define a person.


Banning “EMO” only creates a bigger issue out of it because it will offend many – obviously, since I don’t live their and I already feel offended. I can just picture the teens rebelling against this law leading to a mass destruction – well not a mass destruction, but something close to that. In addition, I don’t see the point of following through with this ideology for anyone can take away the “EMO” trend, but there is no way in hell that anyone could take away the emotions. Somehow, the Russian government are promoting unfair judgment, and depriving their citizens of freedom of expression. They show their thirst for control, telling - well more like dictating - their people how to dress. Gally, controlling much?

I am mystified by their plan. I cannot comprehend the reasons behind their attempt of eliminating a trend, a fashion statement. There are more important issues that need to be tackled, which includes the battle they have against Georgia – a much important matter that infuriates me.

I know this problem should not matter to me because I don’t live there nor do I want to visit the country – no offense. Nevertheless, the idea triggered a nerve that leads me to crave to express my opinion about it. There is only one thing that I want to say:

To ban “EMO” is to ban individuality.


Outspoken,

Jhay

In My Perfect World...OLD

In my perfect world, Elk Grove wouldnt be so hot
Instead it'll be cool all year long.
Nike would make more shoes
That will fit my small feet'
Coz its hard not having the right shoes,
It tends to ruin my style.
Designer clothing wouldnt be so expensive.
In my perfect world,
Bush will stop sending troops to Iraq,
Carrying dangerous explosive,
Direct to the point, Bush wouldnt be the president.
Good actors who cant sing, stay acting,
Great singers who cant act, stay singing.
In my perfect world extra calories wouldnt exist.
All this gangstah crap stop,
You're just wasting your youth,
Go take a hike and think of what you're doing,
Question your action and grow up.
In my perfect world,
Law&Order:SVU will be on 24/7,
Family guy&South Park would go on forever.
Whoever came up with the pencil skirt
Needs some sense of fashion.
Boppers needs to leave the mall,
12 year old kids needs to cover up,
Shit talkers and fake heads go buy yourself a life.
In my perfect world people would be more open-minded.
Hate and crimes would decrease.
The population would show more appreciation,
Quit with that selfishness and brutalization.
In my perfect world,
I would've never made so much mistakes.
I would have never made the biggest one,
Falling in love with my best friend.
I wouldnt have put myself in this mess,
That keeps getting me stress.
I wouldnt be dealing with these mind games,
Teen life that I can never comprehend.
All this mood swings, I just want to get rid of em.
In my perfect world, boys would be men,
Silly games would just go away.
I'm not preaching,
I'm just saying,
That if theres a perfect world,
It'll be some place I can find that peace of mind
And contentment I've been lacking.


The striked part is something that doesn't apply to me. This is pratically an old piece that I've written a couple years back. I was never in love - never have - it was infatuation with an ex-boyfriend/ex-best friend, but still a good friend up to now.

<3Jhay

Breaking Dawn.

I waited for this book to come out - the waiting was filled with anxiousness, and when I say anxiousness, I meant going to the local bookstore and making sure to serve a copy, bothering the clerks for more informations as to how the wristband and release party will work, staying up late trapped in a bookstore with 600 people -varying from kids, teenagers, adults, boys, girls - going nuts as they wait. Let me tell you something, that was some night. There were a few Jonas Brothers fans out there wearing their concert shirts from the Burning Up tour, I was impressed. However, that's beside the point...we aren't talking about those boys in this blog, no no; it's all about the TWILIGHT SAGA.

I was utterly shocked to see many boys in the release party answering the trivias, and along with them, my older sisters were yelling the answers out. I guess it was a bit funny. It wasn't embarrasing as I thought it would be, to have my sisters who are above 20 joining the fun, instead I was proud of them. The only thing that irked me last night was those catty girls, who look around the store pretending to be better than everyone else; I mean they were staring people down and whispering condenscending comments about the other Twilight fans. Dude they need to take a chill pill, like seriously. We were all out there last night because of one thing, BREAKING DAWN, and I don't see the point of belitting one another when we are all fans of Stephenie Meyer's saga.

Moving on, I give 1000 kudos to those who participated on the custome contest, seems like they worked hard on their customes. Awesome. I really liked a couple of the shirts I saw on some people, especially the one my old schoolmate was wearing, it was a black shirt with the word Twilight written in the front and a quote in the back. May I say, I want one. I think I'm going to search online for a nice shirt, if not, then maybe I can try to be creative and make one. Easy to say, hard to commit. Haha. I won't go on to details with that statement, I think that it is part of human nature, so it should be obvious enough.

While I was waiting for twelve midnight to struck, and for my number to be called, I grabbed a copy of the book FLIPPED, and read it. So far, so good. I'm enjoying the plot line of the story, hence I have to go back to Borders and buy my own copy. I shall be doing that after I finish reading BREAKING DAWN. Oh, I just have to say this...when I was reading FLIPPED, Aeriel and I sat at the Christian/Religious aisle, then this dude sat close to us occupying himself with books boys read. Well the point of saying that information is, his friend's name is JACOB, who's pretty hilarious. I know should I be minding my own business and not listening to other's conversations, but if your neighbor talks really loud, you just can't help to listen. Right? Who cares if I just ignored a simple manner? I'm a human, I tend to care about things that surrounds me, and if it means eavesdropping, then it shall be done. Lol. Anyway, I'm going off a tangent. Back to my story, I was listening to them talk, and the Jacob dude just kept rambling on about how he didn't know that the reason there were many girls in the bookstore is because of the release party. He bragged about seeing girls with shirts that say "TEAM JACOB," with speculation, I believe he feels important because his name is written on the chest area of some girls; if not, then he surely made it seem like it. BOYS.

The line up last night was not organized, our wristband has numbers on them indicating the order of how we will get our books. I was number 64, but I ended up all the way in the back because the people in my group (60-100) were scattered everywhere, they didn't even care that they were cutting the people that were supposed to be infront of them. Soon, the workers were fed up because some people weren't paying attention. So, they said that as long as you are with the group (range of number) being called, then get in the line, it doesn't matter if you are in the correct spot. I find it stupid, and unfair for the ones who came and pre-ordered their books first. Whatever. That doesn't completely faze me. I have my book and that's all that matters to me.

After getting the book, I didn't open it right away. I already read the first chapter from the special edition of ECLIPSE, so I wasn't rushing. I want to take time reading the last book of the series because I want to feel and fully understand every single part. I have my theories, lots of them, but one struck out the most...Bella and Edward's daughter will be the one Jacob will fall in love with(imprinting), perhaps that's why Jacob can't leave Bella alone. I know that Bella and Edward will have a daughter because if you flip on the back, where the Vampire Covens are introduced, you'll be able to read the name "RENESMEE," a combination of their mothers' names, Renee and Esme. Take that for a theory. As much as I could to stay online, I want to log off and read. Tata.

P.S.

This has got to be the longest blog I've ever written. Whooho! 938 words. AND I HATE IT TO BREAK TO ALL THE PEOPLE READING BREAKING DAWN, BUT MY THEORY IS CORRECT =). I read it.

Keenly reading,

Jhay

Edward Cullen.

As I think about the past week of not being online, I have proven to myself that I can live without Myspace, Blogspot, Facebook, Google (yes I am in love with Google) and even the Jonas Brothers. It may sound shocking since I claimed that I am diagnosed with an OJD, Obsessive Jonas Disorder for those who don't speak the Jonas language. I was actually quite proud of myself for I am able to restrain myself from sitting infront of the computer and staring at my desktop with a Jonas Brothers wallpaper. And by the way, it is not a Jonas Brothers wallpaper anymore. Guilty as charged, it happens to be Edward Cullen's face that stares back at anyone who looks at my desktop. Yes, as ridiculously as it may sound, I am now lured and trapped inside the Twilight mania. As a matter of fact, all of my sisters and I are reading the most famous series besides Harry Potter (in which I am also a huge fan, talk about being a nerd).

If you have read my past blog about my flair in Facebook, I truly mean it when I said that the boyfriend standards has dramatically increased. One name changed it all, Edward Cullen. Silly as it may sound, but this teenage vampire shows that chivalry is not dead. Sounds ironic, right? For a bloodsucker to be chivalric. Often, vampires are seen to be out-of-control monsters who suck the blood of an innocent human being, but Edward is portrayed differently. I will not be summarizing the story for those who haven't heard or read the story because I am not capable of doing so. Summarizing the story sucks out the fun, thrill and toe curling moments of the novel. Great word to use while speaking of a fictional vampire, "sucks." Lol.

I watched the two trailers of the movie version and I am beyond thirsty to see it. Ha oh how I enjoy playing with words. Nerd genes attacking. Anyway, I had a heated argument with my sister about Robert Pattinson (who plays Edward in the movie); she believes that he doesn't fit the character, but I argued that he is perfect for the role. Well, I am victorious. After seeing the previews, she had changed her mind.

Stepping to a new path, I've always had a crush on Robert with his seductive British accent. He was in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire as Cedric Diggory. Althought, I believe that his role as Edward is way better than being Cedric, who was murdered by Voldemort. Eekkkkk. I am totally crushing, silly teenage crushes. Haha. Oh & I somewhat declared that he might have taken Joe Jonas' spot.

Well maybe not.

On the other hand, I wasn't able to have an overview about the concert I went to last week. The Burning Up concert was something that cannot be describe in words such as awesome and amazing for those words are too simple to explain the feeling of being in the concert. Anxiously waiting on my seats with my toes tapping along, paying close attention to the little details that surrounds me, intesifying feeling rushes through my vein with the wind serenely blowing through my hair causing me to breathe in a pattern I could not comprehend, the butterflies flying inside my being, intently listening to the words coming out of the people behind me, turning around to catch a glimpse of the girls who are going through the same jittering experience as I do, now that's something that the words "awesome" and "amazing" cannot describe. Like said, there's not a word that can amount to the emotion I was enduring while waiting for the concert to start and during the performances.

However, irritation did play a role on my night. Some girls were irking me for they just sat around like idiots while most of the us were jumping up and down with a large amount of adrenaline running through our system. Heck, even this one lady who seems to be about in her mid-thirty was ecstatic. She danced around like she was a teenage girl again. She sang along with the rest of us, and she was pretty funny. She asked me so many questions about the boys, from their age to their heritage. Ha, she was a cute lady and I enjoyed her company.

I would post pictures from the concert, but sadly our camera was being a butthead and didn't capture good photographs. Maybe next time.

Whoa I feel like this blog is long enough, I shall head off and sleep. Salut.

Overly excited Edward lover,

Jhay

Pushing Me Away.

*FYI: I made that video. =)

Whohoo! Today's the day of the concert and I am more than excited. I finally decided on what to wear, a simple V-neck shirt from Urban Outfitters that says "Vote '08," my black vest with different buttons (including one that says "FRANKLIN's fight against HATE," which reminds me of Frankie), black leggings that look like a pair of super tight skinnys and my chucks (of course, I wear it all the time, even when I go golfing). This time I didn't make the boys anything because I don't see the point of doing that, since I don't have m&g passes anyway. However, if God treats me good today, I'll be able to convince my dad to drive me Target to buy some poster boards for Jack Lawless (their drummer). I was shocked when some Jonas fans don't recognize him, then the shockness grew into determination that I'll be cheering for him. I think he deserves some attention. In my friends' words, "He got bars," or whatever they say when you're an amazing drummer. I received an advice that I should try to be at the venue a couple of hours before the concert starts, so I'm thinking I'll leave the house around 2, since it's around an hour away. Hopefully I'll be able to meet new people just like the previous concert I went to.

Furthermore, I don't really have the strength to blabble on, therefore I'll lay down and read the rest of TWILIGHT (which by the way is becoming better and better). SALUT MES AMIS.

A Jack Lawless & Twilight fan,

Jhay

Flair.

I'm finally learning how to fully use Facebook. As a matter of fact, I even made a Flair. Isn't it awesome? If you look closely on the picture I've provided, you can see some of my favorite bands (Jonas Brothers, We the Kings, The Maine & Metro Station). I'm so psyched about this flair that I'm dedicating this blog for it. Haha. One of the things that I find interesting while creating it was how much Jonas Brothers, Harry Potter and Twilight buttons were everywhere, my eyes literally twinkled. Lol. My sister just recently purchased the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer and she read the book in one day, so now I'm reading it. It's very interesting and I recommend it for everyone. Sigh. Talk about Edward being the perfect boyfriend; I bet a lot of girls who read this novel must be in love with him and are hoping that he's their boyfriend. Ha. With this book out and the movie being made, the boyfriend standards had and will continuously increase. My advice to all the boys or men out there, read the book and learn from it, I'm sure you'll gain some respect from many girls.

On the other hand, I've uploaded some pictures on my Facebook, though, I didn't feel like creating different albums, so I just put them in the main one. Lol. I am easily fascinated, hence the tone of excitement is all over this blog. Oh oh oh! One more night until I see the Jonas Brothers, even though I didn't win meet and greet passes and have the best seat, I'm still happy that I will be able to see the inspiring brothers. They are inspirational to many teens, well in my point of view they are, therefore I could careless about the haters. This is weird, I'm running out of things to say. Oh well. I'll leave this blog as it is. Au Revoir dudes!

The excited,

Jhay

Facebook anyone?

After strongly ignoring my Facebook for a year, I've come to my senses and realized that I should start using it again. (Besides the fact that UC Davis told me to create one, since it's a way for college students to keep in touch). I logged on to my account about thirty minutes ago, and I was overwhelmed by the amount of friend requests and those variety of activity requests that I've received. I practically ignored most of the activities because they take too long to upload, and somehow they lag my computer. I scan through the friend requests, and I was utterly shock of how many people I personally know, some are from middle school and the rest are from high school. Amazing. I think Facebook is better than Myspace when it comes to connecting friends, and protecting ones privacy. However, Myspace is easier for me to navigate; it may have something to do with the fact that I barely use Facebook. Eh I'm guessing that'll change after I try to make myself be familiar with the website. I'm sure it won't be too hard to understand how to fix things around within my profile. Right? For the goodness of humanity, please someone tell me it will be easy as 1 2 3. Ugh. Oh well, I'll explore Facebook and hope to find something interesting. In a meantime, I'll check on my niece, then go to bed (I hope my body is weary enough to put me to sleep, talk about being insomniac).

The confuse facebook head,

Jhay

Thought of the day before I sleep.

This was my text message for my friend Lara:

"...Well as we aged we tend to lose track of who we are because we're coping with the sudden changes. We search for our identity and where we really should be (because we are lost in the labyrinth of the process). Ups and downs are part of life, that's what makes one feel alive - to have the chance to experience different situations and learn from them along the way; it is also the reason for maturity. You'll be fine as long as you're not afraid to tackle what is being offered."

Restless,

Jhay

I can't wait 'till Burning Up Tour.

I have about 4 more days until the concert, and I'm anxiously counting the days. For those non-Jonas Brothers fan, you probably wouldn't understand the state I am in. Those boys are addicting, I'm serious. I could recall staying up for two days, meaning no sleep what-so-ever because I was excited for the concert they had in Natomas, California. In addition to that, my sister, friend and I were busy making them home made gifts, which took most of our New Years Eve (afternoon and night); the capes we made came out great! Anyway, I'm not supposed to be watching clips from other fans who had already seen their Burning Up Tour (in their city), but I can't help it. Besides those guys have so much surprises for their fans, they perform differently in different cities(but always comes out amazing).

At this moment, "Love Bug" (click the title)is on repeat, I love the part where Joe was tap dancing. I swear that boy surprises me all the time with his talents; he could play several instruments, he can act, sing (obviously) and the newest addition, tap dancing. Even my four day old niece knows that Joe is an awesome artist, and I believe that he is her favorite Jonas. While babysitting her yesterday, I created a playlist (all Jonas songs) for us to listen to and she was calmed and relaxed. Then my mom asked her who's her favorite brother, she said Kevin and Nick's names, but didn't receive a reaction. However, when Joe's named was mentioned, my niece kept sneezing and stuff. Cute stuff. Oh and I think "Higher Love" by Nick Jonas is her favorite from the playlist for when we were listening to the song, she was smiling from ear to ear. Haha. Amazing, my entire family is contaminated with Jonas Fever, well in Aeriel and I's case, we have OJDisorder.

Going back to the concert, I'm super keen, but I don't know what to wear. This totally bums out. And my mom told me that Sleep Train Amp. is an open venue, hence the heat will kill me. Duh. I live in freaking NorCal where it's hot all day everyday, plus the air is not clean due to the fire incidents that has been happening lately. I think I'll bring a lot of water. I have to check and print out my tickets online, ha. I heard other bands might be playing since its the End FEST, hopefully they're good bands. Besides the Jonas Brothers, I'm looking forward on seeing Demi Lovato. That girl is talented beyond belief, and get this, she's only 15. Wow right? Definitely.

Straying away from the topic, I would like to announce to the world that I am suffereing from insomnia attacks. Either that or my great great grandparents are vampires and they passed on some of their vampire genes to me, but then again that's impossible, therefore I'm leaning towards the fact that I'm insomniac. Another random fact, I haven't had fastfood in a while, which I am proud of. Lol. Although, I could go for some fries and Hazelnut Iced Coffee, yum.

Anywho, I'll be logging off now, jump on my bed and beg my body for some peace of mind, and fall asleep. If it refuses to let me have some resting, then I'll have to do about 1000 push-ups and 1000 jumping jacks. If that plan don't work, then I guess I'll have to go back to the classical counting of sheeps. =)

<3Jhay

Looking Back....

I wrote this blog when I was in 9th grade, so bare with me as I travel back in the days of grammar errors. Haha.

“Well I was talking` to two different people the other night & they both had different stories but some how they connect. The other individual is just starting` to fall in love while the other one just fall out of love (well still trying` to move on). The things that they mentioned made me think for hours because I had never been through those things. Therefore, I started writing` & believe me I really don’t know if I make sense but I just want to let my thoughts out in the public. I am hopeful that some people can relate to what I have to say.

Here it goes:

Why is love so complicated? I mean you think you found the right person that will treat you as if you’re their queen, but then they end up hurting you, making you cry before going` to sleep, killing you slowly from all the pain they put you through. Then you can’t stand it anymore, so you try your hardest to leave that person, but it seems like you can’t. It seems like something is holding you back. Is it because your feelings for him are so strong that they just will not fade away or are you just so used to loving that person and don’t know how to move on? When you finally move on, the same cycle happens. You fall, then end up getting hurt because the person you fell in love with didn’t catch you or they caught you and dropped you. It is true that love is pain and pain is love. Without love, there will be no pain, and without pain, love will not exist. We suffer for the one we love. People say that if you are in love, you simply don’t see a lot of things; you tend to act foolish. You become blind from reality because all you think about is the "perfect world" you and your behalf "have.” People warn you, but you don’t listen because you only hear and think about what will make HIM happy. Every time the person you are in love with hurts you, you still give him a chance because you try to be positive with your relationship. Giving chances are great, but don’t be so dumb and keep letting him hurt you from all the mistakes he made. Don’t spoil the one you "love" by always taking him back, because this relationship will lead you to no where but more suffering and pain. Take control and leave him. Let him know how much he hurt you. Let him suffer, but even if you do this, you do not always seem to be happy. You want to know why? It’s because they still have a piece of your heart and it will take you a very long time to actually gain that piece back, but for now just wait and be patient because another person will come and fill up that missing piece in your heart. This is the cycle of love at least in my point of view. I am not sure if everyone feels or thinks the same way as I do, so I apologize if you don’t agree with me.

To be honest with you I had never been through this, I have never fall in love yet. There are moments when I think about this, it scares the crap out of me. I fear that when the time for me to fall in love and experience the things that are connected to the word "love" I would not be as strong as others. I am scared to get hurt, to get burn, to go through the pain that love brings us. I really think that love is such a strong word and can be misuse. Some may not even understand the word. Many had asked me to define love, but I am sorry I can’t fully define it. However, the cliches are just running through my head: love is blind, love is a strong emotion, love is pain and pain is love, love is a deep, tender feeling of affection toward a person. Love has so much meaning. It somehow varies from people to people. Although, which one is the real and true way to define such word? Until now I can’t answer my own question for I have never love anyone before ( I’m talking about not a family member or my friends). Well I know someday I will, but that someday is not going to be around yet.”

Wow, so much has changed ever since I wrote that little blog about love. I have finally understood the emotions that come when you have strong emotions toward (it doesn't have to be love, but something close to it - infatuation) someone. It is really hard to move on and to find someone new, but lately I've come to a conclusion that moving on doesn't mean finding and searching for someone new. Moving on is when you start realizing that there's more out there (opportunities to enjoy life) besides having a relationship with someone(boyfriend/girlfriend). It's not necessary to find another person to say that you had fully moved on, all that is needed is the strength to tackle more in life, finding that one true thing that you are good and dedicated to (for example, trying to focus more to your education or learning a thing or two about life).

<3Jhay

The "For Real" first post...

So after having this blogspot for almost a year, I've finally decided to put it to use. Whoa, how I've had a hard time trying to understand this site, I couldn't figure out how to customize it and such; I've pratically sat infront of the computer, just staring at it at times while scratching my head and squinting my eyes, haha, but whohoo now I know how to work it.

Anywho, the main reason I decided to starting blogging again is because I found my Xanga page, the blogsite that I used back when I was in middle school and during my freshmen year in high school. Funny thing is, I just recently graduated, and therefore I haven't opened that page in about three years. Reading my old blogs made me fall off my chair from laughing at how silly some of the things I've talked about, gosh, my naive days. It's not that I'm calling myself all grown up because heck I am far from being that, but its that feeling of reminiscing and realizing that the things I used to be so overly dramatic about are issues that don't really matter.

Moving on, I think that for my first few blogs I would like to reflect on my early days, the times in which I thought I was old enough to handle certain circumstances, when the truth is, I didn't even know what I was putting myself into. I’m sure everyone have had some experiences where they just keep attacking one matter, but don’t have a clue to what they really are after for.

At some point, I thought that middle school was the place to be, it’s where you get your first real boyfriend, and experience all the fun things about being a young teen. However, to my disappointment, middle school is just an extension of elementary school with just a higher level of education and reasons of feuds. Young teens fight over the silliest things in the world, girls try to wear make-up because they think that it will make them look older or think older, while boys uses the tackiest pick up lines they’ve heard from their older brothers because they think that’s the way to get to a girl’s heart. Wake up call, these assumptions would make one look dumber than a caveman. Make-up can cause skin irritation leading to zits, making your skin rough and less attractive; natural beauty is the way to go. Cheesy pick up lines, eh, older women would just laugh at you or think your adorable for trying to be smooth, and younger girls, please don’t fall for those pick up lines because most of the time, these boys just wants one thing, to look like the ladies man also known as the player or in their dictionary “the man.”

There goes a rant. I would continue on with this, but unfortunately I need some sleep. I shall continue on some other time.

<3Jhay

First blog....

Let the blogging begin. =) Oh and I don't know if Garbo (Greg Garbowsky) will ever read this, or if he will ever stumble upon this blogspot, but I just want to thank him for inspiring me to blog again. I've had this blog for a year now, I posted a blog at one point last summer, but ended up deleting it because I thought this was worthless. However, after reading Garbo's blogs, I was thrilled to give it another chance, so I'm starting with a clean slate. Once again, thanks Greg Garbowsky for your awesome blogs.

<3Jhay